Things that have run through my head lately!

There have been soo many thoughts laid on my heart & mind lately. It's taken me a long time to straighten everything out in my own head. I've felt so beaten down by a couple things in my life right now. I'm trying to breathe and understand what's going on. I think I've got a grasp...for now.

Hey, its a good thing I'm breathing right now! Praise God for that! He obviously isn't finished with me yet. On Friday evening I was in a 6 car accident on the interstate. No one was badly hurt, praise the Lord for that! I got hit by a semi truck(no trailer attached)...I was going 60 M.P.H. and it kind of just side swiped me on the right side. Side swiped. That sounds way worse than it was. Fortunately all that happened was my mirror was taken off and my car got scratched. Poor Malcolm is a bit scratched up now but like I said I'm just amazed I'm still alive! Not many people(in a little car) get hit by a semi and live to tell about it.

With that happening and other things that I'm struggling with, I became a little hard on myself these past few days. Perhaps a little too hard. As much as I wanted to change my negative thoughts, I couldn't seem to do it. Believe me when I say I was really trying to change those thoughts. Then last night I had a bit of a "breakdown". Someone showed me some verses that really encouraged me. The first verse said- The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17. This verse just made me realize how much the Lord really cares about me. Even when I think I'm worthless He never thinks that. That lifted me up a little. The other verse I was shown was the beginning of 1st John 4:16. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. That love isn't any love here on earth. It is the love of God. That means I can't rely on what others think about me. Which I think has been a big weakness of mine lately. I've worried too much about other peoples thoughts about me. It isn't usually something I struggle with but these past couple days and weeks really, it totally has been a struggle. Both of these verses totally meant a lot to me and I hope they can be a help to you as well! I think that one thing young girls like myself struggle with is insecurity. I hope these verses are as encouraging to you as they were to me! My prayer is that you find your joy in the Lord and not in earthly love or things.

Another thing that encouraged me a ton this weekend was the entire chapter of 1st John 4. I read through it and was so enlightened about love. About God's love. For one, we love God because He loved us first. It wasn't like a relationship where we had to work on it in order for God to love us. Before we were born the Lord loved us. If we love the Lord we have to love others. It is not possible to love the Lord and not love others. I'll admit, loving others has been a huge struggle lately. There are so many people that I'd rather not love but God calls us to love. That love isn't always about affection but its about correction too. Either way I'm not good at loving some people lately. I have been hurt by them or maybe offended by things I've heard they've said about me but not directly to me. But even though I've been hurt that doesn't mean I shouldn't love them.

When I was at CYIA Jonathan Musgrave talked about love and how it is supposed to work. I just went back over those notes again. Something that especially stuck out to me was how I should do things for those even if they can't repay me back. I'll admit, I totally struggle with that! My thought is, 'if they aren't gonna do the same for me why should I do something for them?'. Obviously that isn't the right attitude to have. I mean after all Jesus Christ died for us and He didn't expect for us to repay Him back for that. His death was His gift to us. By Him dying we can have eternal life.

Let's just say I have a lot to learn about love. First of all I need to love the Lord but if I can't love others I can't love God. If I can't love myself then I can't love others very well. It comes down to loving myself. Well I know God loves me and therefore there's no reason I can't love myself. I still struggle but I'm trying! In all this the Lord is really strengthening me and bringing me closer to Him. It is hard but I know it's for the good in the long run here! That would be a major update in the mind of Jess. Hope you find it encouraging!